Vladamir Putin pulls Khabib Nurmagomedov from UFC 209 Card (allegedly) Theory

I like to think of me and my readers as a family. And part of having a family, is being honest with them, so that’s what I intend to do. The lack of traction which my blog has gained has been quite disappointing. I can still count the number of my readers without having to use my toes. And that is beginning to wear on my already dangerously low self esteem.

So it’s obvious that I need to either give up this blogging gig and find an easier way to get undeserved adoration, or I need to get a bigger audience. And if you know anything about how the media works I can up my public profile one of three ways.

Option #1: Sex Tape

If it worked for the Kardashian’s, it will work for me. The only difference is I think watching Ray J and Kim K bump nasties probably has a bit more sex appeal than watching a solo video with a fat Kid Rock/Pre Op Bruce Jenner lookalike.

Option #2: Scientology

I live my life by one stead fast rule. “If it’s good enough for John Travolta, than it’s good enough for me.” Who am I to disparage any religion which the great Danny Zucko deems worthy of his time and effort. Unfortunately due to my inclination to sea sickness the religion and I just aren’t a good fit. There is no way I could hack it on the “Freewinds”. Also John Travolta had all that weird massage parlor shit go down, so maybe I don’t have to do everything he does.

Option #3: Join the George Soros Liberal Media Machine

I consider myself fairly “woke” (as the youth likes to say) when it comes to politics. I watch a number of Tomi Lahren and Alex Jones videos on Facebook everyday, so it’s pretty tough to pull the wool over my eyes. I know George Soros is the puppet master behind the scenes. He’s telling the media what to report, paying protesters, and destroying the careers of those who voice opinions different than his (allegedly).

Now usually it would kill me to join the ranks of the communist loving, birkenstock wearing, Trader Joe Shopping, libtard media. Honestly I just thought about it again, and the mere thought of admitting President Barrack Hussein Obama may not have been born in Kenya, made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. But I’ve decided instead to Trojan Horse those welfare mooching sons of bitches.

That’s right I’m going to engage in a little phrase I made up entirely myself called, a “Win Win” See I’m going to disguise myself as one of those candy ass social justice warriors, and proceed to take down the entire structure by which the liberal media machine was built on. And while I’m crippling the liberal media, I will simultaneously be gaining an obscene amount of notoriety and wealth, all off the back of those very same granola eating nerds.

So to pander to all these kale eating Nancy boys, I’ve decided to give them one of their favorite types of articles. A scathing, scorched earth, fire take, on the Russians and their involvement in the US government, and even more importantly the UFC government.

Yes I’m talking about the #1 contender for the Lightweight title, and child of Mother Russia, Khabib Nurmagomedov, ruining UFC 209 by dropping out of the fight three days prior.

Khabib was hospitalized on Friday night, due to complications with his weight cut. According to his manager, Rizvan Magomedov, he was taken to the hospitalized after suffering from acute liver pain, which was due to his severe dehydration. It’s yet another example of weight cutting being a huge issue with the sport. If only someone wrote a more in depth piece on that very topic.

Now I know I can’t be the only one who thinks Vladimir Putin’s hands aren’t clean in this entire ordeal. No his hands are never clean, it’s near impossible to scrub the blood of your political opponents off entirely. That’s why I’m forced to believe ol Putin tampered with this fight more than he did our presidential election.

See Khabib’s star has been steadily rising for the past couple of years. Had he won this fight with #2 contender Tony Ferguson, he would have been a shoo in to be Conor McGregor’s next opponent. And a fight with Conor McGregor not only means a title shot, but more importantly a big fat payday. And that doesn’t count all the money he lost out on last night. He was set to make to make $500,000 minimum, which would’ve been the largest payday of his career.

Yet because he couldn’t tough it out and power through through a little “Severe dehydration” he more than likely forgoed an opportunity at millions of dollars. See this is where Putin’s tampering begins to become blatantly obvious.

What do us Americans know about Putin and his country’s resources? He enjoys wetting the beak. If there is money to be made off of a Russian resource, then you can bet your ass ol Vlade is gonna get himself a taste of it. Why do you think he’s fighting so hard to get the oil sanctions lifted? It’s not because he gives a hoot about the Russian people, thats for sure. No Putin stands to make a whole shit ton of money if those sanctions get lifted.

With that evidence in mind, one would have to assume that the idea of a potential resource of his country’s making a whole lot of money without him getting a piece, drove him batty. It’s not out of the realm of impossibility that instead of letting bygones be bygones, Putin sent some of his top KGB operatives over, to “convince” Khabib he was having weight cutting complications (allegedly). It wouldn’t be the first time Putin dispatched his henchmen to take deal with enemies of the Kremlin. If we’re being honest, Khabib probably got away easy. He didn’t even have to face a firing squad.

And I know some may argue, “Oh Evan what a preposterous theory. There would have been more confusion surrounding an event like this.” But UFC President Dana White was quick to point out that, the circumstances surrounding Khabib bowing out weren’t normal.

His team had decided to take him to just some random hospital here in Las Vegas instead of picking up the phone and calling our doctor and calling Brianna [Mattison], who runs all the medicals,” White told MMAFighting.com “They went rogue and went out and did their own thing. Had they done this thing the right way, the fight probably could have been saved.”

Sound’s a bit suspicious to me, almost like a powerful dictator is trying to flex his muscles at an inferior opponent.

And if all that doesn’t convince you of tampering by the Ruskis, then maybe the link between Donald Trump and Dana White (President of the UFC) will. Dana was one of the first and most outspoken proponents of Donald Trump. The Donald also has mentioned on multiple occasions how much he respects Dana (I’m not sure how, I have a rule against respecting males with woman names), and he even wanted him to speak at the Republican convention. Those two are cozier than Ricky and Lucy in their separate beds.

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A 100% not photo shopped picture of 3 great leaders. From right to left President Putin, President Trump, and President White. (Photo of Trump and Putin via wikipedia commons. Photo of Dana White via Abdrius Petrucenia on Flickr)

So would it truly be that mind boggling to assume that Putin may be tampering and playing mind games with a man whom has that much in common with President Trump? For all we know Dana also has basked in the yellow rain of a Russian hooker lady parts (allegedly). He has stayed in Russia before for UFC business, so you know they’ve got hours of film on him.

But don’t take just my word for it, COS Political Science major Hector Cadena had to say on the subject.

If that doesn’t convince you that Putin isn’t above tampering with UFC events, then I’m not sure what will. I for one believe we need to have an independent investigation into the UFC’s ties to Russia, and that Senator Sessions needs to recuse himself from this one as well. Just for good measure.

And boom! There is my first libtard satiating Russian hit piece. To all my conservative brothers and sisters I apologize for the revolting amount of snowflake rhetoric I used today, but how else am I supposed to convince these sin loving pagans I’m one of them. I hope you come back and read again next week. I’m going to try to finally illuminate them to the fact that Pizzagate wasn’t fake news, and that the UFC is actually involved in that as well (allegedly).

 

PS: I have it on good authority that by saying allegedly, and by taking advantage of parody law I can say whatever I like.

PPS: If you clicked on that Ray J Kim Kardashian link I posted hoping to find a video of them making babies on there, then I hope you spend some time exploring the Porn addiction website you wound up on.

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The Rise of MMA at the Youth Level, & Why You Should Get Your Kids Involved.

MMA is exploding right now.

It used to be an extremely niche sport that the mainstream media viewed as too violent and disturbing. One almost felt a sense of shame being a fan of it, like you were toiling away in some sort of seedy sporting underworld.

But thats all changed. Nowadays MMA is one of the biggest sports around. It has world renown superstars, it’s biggest fights are becoming events like the old school boxing matches, it recently sold for 4 billion dollars, and it has arguably the biggest sports star in the world right now in Connor McGregor. And all that growth on the professional level, has also led to growth in youth involvement.

One of the biggest differences in todays fighters as opposed to the fighters of yesteryear, is many of them were raised with an MMA background. Before when the MMA was just getting started, the fighters often times just knew one style, and they sort of figured the rest out later. There was far less technique involved.

Take Cal Poly alum Chuck Liddell for example. He started fighting for the UFC in 1998, when the organization was still struggling for notoriety. Chuck was a good college wrestler, and could throw and take a good punch. With that being said though, his striking ability was nowhere near the quality of many fighters today. He would just go into the ring and turn every fight into a brawl. Lots of his fights would end with him and the other fighter just trading big looping haymakers, which were by no means real technical.

But that’s very much changing. You see it with many current fighters, their games are much more well rounded. They have a skill set beyond just boxing, jujitsu, or wrestling. They are true mixed martial artists. And a big reason for that, is children that grew up emulating fighters of the previous generation are now participating in the sport at a younger age.

In 2013, ESPN estimated that somewhere around 3.2 million kids are now participating in MMA. That is about the same number which participated in football at that same time. To say that MMA is now as big as football on a youth level is something I never thought I would say, but the numbers seem to lead to that conclusion. And when you add in the fact that football participation has been steadily decreasing, and MMA increasing, it’s not out of the realm of possibility to imagine that within the next couple of years MMA could overtake football in youth participation.

Now as a parent, I could see how one could have some concerns about allowing your child to get punched in the head for fun. No one likes to see someone they care about get bloodied and bludgeoned, let alone their own kid. My Nana wouldn’t even come to my high school wrestling matches because those made her uncomfortable, and there was rarely ever blood or broken bones. (I think it was because she wasn’t a huge fan of seeing me in a singlet. I can’t blame her, I looked like someone had painted a one piece bathing suit on Lena Dunham and then stuck her in the microwave.)

But look at all the upsides of having your kid in MMA.

1.) The amount of gear you have to buy is minimal. If your kid is in baseball you’ve got to make the decision between sending your son to college, or making sure he has all the newest and best equipment. It’s not out of the ordinary for a lad no older than six years old to be hauling around a bag full of hundreds of dollars of equipment. But not MMA. All you need is some gloves, headgear, a mouthpiece, and a cup, and your good to roll.

2. You get the advantage of teaching your kid to defend him or herself. You throw your kids in basketball, and some creep rolls up on them in the park, unless they can manage to cross him over and run away, they’re done. Their next call to you is from an undisclosed location. But if your kid is learning how to fight, its whole different story. Creep rolls up on them in the park, BAM! Next thing you know your kid is phoning the cops while he holds the perv in a triangle choke. Honestly now that I think about it, if you don’t put your kids in MMA, then I feel comfortable saying your a bad parent.


3. Everyone involved in MMA is always talking about how the sport “Builds Character”. I for one hate anyone who says “It builds character” or any derivative of it. It’s such a copout bullshit answer/saying. Cooking builds character, mopping floors builds character, playing with fucking legos builds character, everything you do builds character. Yet even though I say all that, there is something to be said for learning MMA. I know dopey o’l Meryl Streep may not agree, but it is an art (Its in the name: mixed martial ARTS!!!), and whenever you learn an art it takes an intense amount of dedication and effort to master. Especially with MMA. If you mess up mastering drawing you just throw away the paper. Worst case scenario you mess around and get a paper cut. In MMA if you mess up you get an elbow to the temple, and an involuntary nap. So you do attain a certain level of discipline that many other youth sports and activities don’t offer.

4. Your kid is actually playing an entertaining sport. Up until like sixth grade, watching your kids play sports is about as much fun as doing a Kool-Aid keg stand at the Jonestown compound. You can say it’s cute all you like, but at the end of the day it’s just a bunch of tiny dumb humans, playing a sport poorly. It’s especially bad if they play one of those nerd sports like soccer or basketball that requires skill. It just turns into them all fighting over the ball, and every once and a while accidentally stumbling their war into scoring a goal. I played soccer and baseball growing up, and I have no idea how my parents feigned so much interest over the years. I watch my little cousins sports now, and all it takes is about five minutes of him and his friends playing like trash for me to be done with that shit. There is almost nothing a child can do sporting wise, that is going to keep me entertained longer than a millisecond.

But once we mix fighting into the equation, the whole story changes. I will go anywhere or watch anything that involves a fight. That daycare gets the kids fighting again, I’m there. The View isn’t usually in my viewing schedule, but if you tell me Whoopie is about to throw them hands, I’m tuning in. Hell I’d go to a gay porn set if you told me that someone was gonna fight. A good fight almost always makes a situation more entertaining, so why wouldn’t you want to work it into youth sports. Imagine how much more fun you are going to have watching a bunch of six year olds trying to put each other to sleep, than watching those same kids swing and miss at a ball on a tee. Then add in the additional stakes of watching your own flesh and blood fight, and now your adrenaline is really pumping.

5. Maybe the best part about a kid learning how to fight, is now you have someone to protect yourself. Considering my eroding physical tools, my poor dietary/exercising habits, the amount of vices I have, and the overall lack of effort I put into my health, by the time I’m about 35 I wont be able to defend myself from a dandelion, let alone someone who looks to inflict some bodily harm upon me. And I don’t think I’m the only one in that boat. If we are all being realistic, we were never that tough to start with. The lack of toughness in addition to some physical and emotional wear and tear, a lack of physical upkeep, and the fact that none of us truly know what were doing in a fight, and you are now forced to face the reality that you are just as fucked as I am.

Now you toss that participation trophy for sex (Thats what @PFTCommenter  calls kids) of yours in MMA classes around 6 years old, and in about 10 years you’ve got yourself a new body guard/attack dog. It’s almost like your in the mafia and you are developing your own muscle. You go from having to defend yourself, to being back in the childhood position of being protected. It must be wonderful. And on top of that, you can now be a dick to anyone without there being repercussions. I know everyone likes to seem cool and fight there own battles and what not, but I say fighting your own battles is for the birds. If your telling me you wouldn’t love to start fights that your cage fighting kid would finish for you, then I don’t mean to use such fowl language but your taking crazy pills. If I had a kid like that, I would be taking full advantage of that perk. I would be galavanting about the town, knocking sodas out of peoples hands, kicking over hobos change cups, drawing cartoon genitalia all over peoples window shields, you name it. And then whenever some nerd would pipe up and speak out against my debauchery, I’d just have my child body guard go lay waste to him and leave his broken nerd body in the street as an example. It would be fantastic.

If all that doesn’t sway you to sign your spawn up for a little bit of sanctioned physical abuse, then I don’t know what will. In all reality, MMA really is a great sport for your kid. It will instill them with a boatload of discipline, its cheap as dirt, and there is no downside to teaching your kid to defend themselves. Do you want your kid to be some sort of spineless racquetball playing wimp? Of course not. Avoid raising the main character from “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” and sign your kid up for MMA. When your kid is snapping the humerus of some guy who tried to fight you after you called him fat, you’ll be thanking me.

This Week in MMA

Big week of MMA news, so lets get right into it.

UFC 208:

The week started out with UFC 208 in the Barclays Center in New York. The card overall was about as exciting as a convalescent home past 6 PM. Even UFC President Dana White couldn’t muster up any excitement over the event.

“Not one of our better events, I always feel like that if we come into a place, you’re going to have at least a few good fights that are going to get you up out of your seat. We didn’t have any of those.”

-(Dana White on FOX Sports 1’s post-fight show.)

But the real excitement came after the event was done. In the following days the losers of the two highest billed fights on the card, Holly Holm and Derek Brunson, both have come out and said the refs and judges got it wrong. Usually “The refs sucked” argument is somewhat of a copout, but in this instance it seems the only two disagreeing with them are the ones who beat them.

Holm has chosen to appeal the decision in hopes of possibly getting the decision reversed. Brunson on the other hand has decided aim his sights on the future.

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There is no road like the high road.

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George St. Pierre is Back

Everyone’s favorite Alien abductee has decided it’s time for him to step back in the octagon. St. Pierre hasn’t fought since 2013, when he stepped away and vacated his title. His return could end up being a God send for UFC president Dana White.. With Conor McGregor becoming bigger than the sport, Ronda Rousey being on the backside of her career, Jon Jones not being able to avoid the gas station viagra, and Brock Lesnar retiring, the UFC desperately needs some star power. And St Pierre can supply just that.

Dana White has mentioned a number of different fights we may potentially see St. Pierre take. One potential matchup, is the winner of the Tyron Woodley vs Stephen Thompson championship rematch. Both Woodley and Thompson have echoed the opinion that St. Pierre deserves to fight for the belt as soon as he’s ready. Another idea would be to reignite a former rivalry which could be done with either Nick Diaz or Michael Bisping. That would be my preference. It gives St. Pierre somewhat of a warm up fight before his title match, and also both Diaz and Bisping are spectacular shit talkers who I love seeing on big stages.

Brock Lesnar Retires

And when one legend decides to step back into the cage, another decides call it a career. I’m talking about former Heavyweight Champion, and descendant of Polyphemus, Brock Lesnar. The half bear half man was in the middle of serving a year long suspension for testing positive for a banned substance.

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Who would’ve ever guessed a guy who looks like this may have taken a banned substance? (Photo via Miguel Discart at Wikipedia Commons)

Lesnar will leave one of the more unique legacies in UFC history. His unique physicality combined with the fact that he began his combat sports career in the WWE, always gave him somewhat of a freak show vibe. It was sort of reminiscent of watching deceased YouTube mega star Kimbo Slice fight in the UFC. It was like you were watching something that didn’t belong. One can also make the case that he is the biggest star to ever fight for the UFC. If you consider the massive audience he brings with him from the WWE, it makes a lot of sense why he received the highest UFC salary ever. 

Conor McGregor GQ Article:

Saying Conor McGregor said some wild shit, is like saying the sun came up this morning. And his recent interview for GQ with Zach Baron was no different. Baron did a great job with the piece, it was a very thorough and in depth look into Conor’s life right now. But the downside of it being thorough and in depth, is that means it requires a fair bit of reading, something us millennials enjoy about as much as explosive diarrhea. But fear not young people, I’ve picked out just a few of my favorite and most absurd quotes from the piece to highlight.

“They all want to be me a little. That’s a Drake line. All them boys want to be me a little. And it’s true as fuck. I mean, I don’t blame them. If I wasn’t me, I’d want to be me, too

-Conor McGregor (In reference to a lot of the youth in Ireland beginning to idolize him.)

Conor came out of the gates hot, this was the very first answer he gave. And what an answer it was.

The second half of that sentence is just soaked in swagger and ego. Yet somehow, I don’t hate it. I almost find the absurdity of it alluring. I mean to say, “If I wasn’t me, I’d want to be me”, is not only preposterously arrogant, yet simultaneously; not that outrageous of a statement.

Think about it, why wouldn’t some young Irish lad not want to grow up to be McGregor?

  1. He’s a world wide mega star
  2. If this Mayweather fight goes down, he’s gonna be “buy a presidential election” rich.
  3. He’s got so much confidence, he makes Muhammad Ali look like the Cowardly Lion.
  4. He’s got the UFC by the balls. He’s got more power than any UFC fighter has ever had.

He’s got the life every young boy dreams of having. He’s posting pictures of himself on Instagram with the trifecta of boyhood desires, beautiful women, fast cars, and big guns. So why wouldn’t a young Conor want to grow up to be himself?

“Maybe I’ll search for Khloé’s big fat ass—she’s been floating around Malibu. I don’t give a fuck about them. I just like to see them in the flesh.” You mean…the Kardashians? “Yeah, just see what the big fat asses on them look like.”

-Conor McGregor (In refrence to his plans for his visit to California.)

Now I can understand how some with a bit more delicate sensibilities than I, may find this quote offensive. But before we get too outraged over it, lets analyze the situation.

On one side we have a guy who gives and receives brain trauma for a living. He is also known for being outrageous and over the top. Getting mad at Conor for spouting off some crazy shit would be like getting angry at Dice Clay for saying something offensive. It’s obviously an amped up persona to sell tickets.

The other is a family who is largely famous for their asses. And thats not a knock on them. If I had an ass like any of them you could bet your ass I wouldn’t be wasting my time with all this learning bullshit. I’d be posting tiny bikini pictures all over Instagram too (Thats a disturbing image). But it’s my personal belief that if you make something that much a part of your brand like the Kardashians have done with their asses, then there’s a chance a world class cage fighter is going to talk about hunting it like he’s Captain Ahab going after a great white whale.

And last but not least:

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Picture via GQ Style

The other two quotes were fun, but this one is going to be iconic. “I break peoples faces for money and bounce.” That right there sounds like a line out of an action movie. There’s no way in hell Sylvester Stallone doesn’t use that line in his next Rocky movie. I think that someday when I’m bouncing my grandkids on my knee, regaling them with tales from my youth of watching Conor McGregor in his heyday, I’ll bring this quote up.

Also it’s 100% bullshit, he is obviously a celebrity. The reason he has become so wildly popular, is because he uses his celebrity to promote fights. Even screenwriter and Hollywood expert Brooks Ribeiro said, “I consider Connor McGregor a celebrity. He is to widely known throughout the public eye not to be.” But like I said put that out of your mind. This quote is way to cool to be bogged down by such trivial details such as facts.

And his fans ate up the interview per usual.

UFC fan Sean McCoy on his favorite MMA news of the week.

Well thats all I’ve got for this week. Hopefully next week I get a couple more fighters talking about reality tv stars butts so I have something else to write about (I’m looking at you Urijah Faber and Paris Hilton).

The Dangerous Art of Weight Cutting

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As I wrote about in my last post, MMA can be an extremely rough sport both physically on the fighter, and visually for the viewer. It’s not rare to see a fighter spill more blood than a tanker spills oil in the Gulf of Mexico. But the crazy thing is, for a sport that brutal, getting punched in the face and having your limbs twisted isn’t the worst part.

No, for most the worst part is the weight cut.

Cutting weight is something that almost anyone who has ever competed in any sort of combat sport, from high school wrestling to Professional arm wrestling, has engaged in at some point in time. It is defined as the practice of rapid weight loss prior to competition. Many fighters will start slowly cutting down weeks in advance. But that doesn’t stop most from having to drop a final five pounds or so the day before a weigh in.

It’s also a fairly hot button topic in the combat sports community. For years now the debate over weight cutting, pros and cons, has raged. One of the loudest anti weight cutting voices has come from the mouth of UFC Demigod Joe Rogan.

Rogan has come out against the practice a number of times on both twitter and his popular podcast, “The Joe Rogan Experience”. The most recent example was on his podcast on January 11 of the new year, in his interview with former MMA fighter Bas Rutten. During said conversation Rogan mentioned multiple times that, “There’s definitely an issue with people cutting too much weight, there’s definitely an issue with people doing it unhealthily.”

Rogan and Rutten also address the fact that often times, the fighter looks better physically when he or she doesn’t cut as much weight. They reference Kelvin Gastelum as an example. Gastelum has had a checkered past with making weight, and because of that the UFC now makes him fight in a higher weight class. Both Rogan and Rutten agreed that he looks far better and healthier at the higher weight class than he ever did cutting weight and making the lighter class.

And the idea of weight cutting being dangerous isn’t just some wild idea the old “Fear Factor” host, and some guy who got kicked in the head for a career concocted themselves. No there is also a fair bit of science to back that idea up.

When I asked Fresno State Kinesiology major, Alexis Mendoza, about the topic she basically backed up everything Rogan and Rutten said.

“Starving/dehydrating oneself to lose weight fast is extremely unhealthy, seeing as carbohydrates and water are the essential nutrients that we need to consume through our diet. Carbohydrates are our brain food, so no carbs means no fuel for our body so the athlete wouldn’t be able to function properly. Yes you are losing weight as your body then feeds off of stored lipids/fats for energy, but it is sort of like a last resort. Starvation and dehydration can also cause organs like the kidneys to fail which could cause permanent damage.”

But just because it’s unhealthy and doesn’t always produce the best results, doesn’t mean we don’t engage in it. It’s the American way dammit! If we avoided everything that was detrimental to our health, and produced a low quality product, then we would never have such great institutions like the McDonalds and The Hometown Buffet.

Now if done correctly cutting weight isn’t that bad of a process. Just eat clean, slowly cut to your ideal weight, and stay within shouting distance of your class so you never have to drop more than a pound or two the day before competition.

But if you’ve got shit for brains like I did back when I was cutting weight in high school, you are more than likely going to end up employing some of the more old school ways of cutting weight. These are weight cutting techniques that have been passed down by combat sports competitors for ages. The one common thread between every single one of those tips, is they all make you miserable.

And it’s those miserable techniques I want to highlight. What makes said techniques so unbearable is that they almost always involve dehydrating oneself. If you’ve only got a little bit of time, water weight is by far and away the easiest weight to lose. But to do it you have to employ such methods as running in trash bags, spitting in bottles, sitting in saunas, etc. And all the dehydration, is often times in addition to starving yourself for a few days too.

And while those techniques are archaic, and should be avoided at all costs, they are without a doubt effective. I would say you could take my word for it, but seeing as the only picture I have of myself on the blog is of me in a luchador mask, I can only assume you don’t take anything I say worth a grain of salt. And I can’t blame you for that. Quite honestly if you see that picture of me looking like a knock off Nacho Libre, and you somehow come to the conclusion that you should take any word of mine remotely seriously, then I’m honestly flabbergasted you even posses the mental capacity to read this post.

But fear not. Luckily for my readers (all seven of you), one of my roommates and former high school wrestling teammates, Alex Deatherage, was dumb enough to allow me to put him through a half hour weight cut. That way I could display just how effective some of the cruder weight cutting techniques could be.

At the beginning of the cut, Deatherage weighed a total of 182.4 lbs. I then proceeded to outfit him in traditional desperate weight cutter’s garb. I threw a trash bag over his head, had him step into some sweats and sweatpants, taped his ankles and wrists shut (to keep the heat trapped), and had him don a beanie for good measure.

In that 30 minutes, Deatherage ran about 2 miles, jumped rope for about 7 minutes, and capped it all off by wallowing in his own sweat and pity in our home made sauna. On top of all that, he also was able to fill up darn near a quarter of a water bottle full of spit.

After the quick 30 minutes of hell, I reweighed Deatherage and learned that he had sweat and spit a total of 1.2lbs off.

So obviously the crude tactics work, but that doesn’t make them a good idea. You don’t have to be Stephen Hawking to know that starving and dehydrating yourself to lose weight is a bad idea. If you don’t believe me just watch the Full House episode where DJ passes out on the treadmill because she’s starving herself so she can look skinny for Kimmy Gibbler’s birthday.

So do me a favor and engage in weight cutting safely. The last thing I want for any of my readers is for you to hurt yourself trying look skinny for lame ass Kimmy Gibbler.

Human Cock Fighting vs The Sweet Science: What’s more dangerous, MMA or Boxing?

Which sport is more exciting? Which sport has the tougher fighters? Which sport requires the most skill? Boxing and MMA are constantly being compared to one another.

It’s a side effect of being by far and away the two most popular combat sports going right now. One of the most popular debates that it seems like every fan has had at some point and time is, the which sport is safer debate.

If you’ve ever watched any MMA event at all, you know it doesn’t take long for the Octagan to start looking like a scene out of “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” It’s a bloody violent sport, there is absolutely no denying that.

And while some of the fights may be bloodier than the backseat of the car John Travolta was driving in “Pulp Fiction,” the actual amount of punishment they are taking is often times less than their boxing counterparts.

Part of the reason for that misconception, is because faces bleed like a none other. All you need is one little nick above the eye, and next thing you know it looks like you just played bobbing for apples at Dracula’s Halloween party. The abuse they are taking is far more visible than it is in boxing.

In boxing, on the other hand, we are privy to the real bloody gory fights far less often. The way boxing gloves are constructed gives them far less of a chance to actually open someone’s face up with a punch.

The gloves also have far more padding than the UFC gloves, so you can throw a much harder punch without it hurting your hand as bad. That’s part of the reason guys like Floyd Mayweather can box with a broken hand.

Just because your hands are more protected, however, doesn’t mean your head is. You’re still getting punched in the head, but now it’s with more velocity because you aren’t concerned about damaging your hands. Your hands are also heavier now due to the gloves. That combination allows the boxer to accumulate much more damage, as opposed to the thin MMA gloves which allow for quicker knockouts and much less long term damage.

But just because they are less gory doesn’t mean they are any less dangerous. Boxing is actually considered by many to be the more dangerous of the two sports. The biggest contributing factor is that in MMA, you not only have the option to end the fight with a KO, but you can also submit the other fighter, where as in boxing a KO is your only option.

Another element that makes boxing more dangerous is the 10 count. That’s when one boxer knocks another down, and they have ten seconds to get back up to their feet.

For those of you who have never been knocked down or out from punches, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. It blows. One second you’re standing up and watching the fist come toward you, and next thing you know you’re laying on the ground trying to piece together what just happened.

The last activity one should be engaging in at that particular time is to continue fighting, but that is exactly what boxers do. Sometimes multiple times a match.

According to this research paper, “Athletes with multiple concussions were 7.7 times more likely to demonstrate a major drop in memory performance than athletes with no previous concussions.”

Those experts assume that everytime a pro gets knocked down or out, they have a concussion. So boxers sometimes sustain multiple concussions a night. Now if that memory drop came from merely having multiple concussions in your life, imagine what it could do to you when you receive multiple in a night. That’s sadly why so many boxers have such traumatic brain damage after their careers.

With all that being said, one shouldn’t confuse MMA with being safe just because it isn’t as dangerous as boxing. That’s saying like Charles Manson is a good guy just because he wasn’t as evil as Hitler.

In MMA not only are you still gonna get all bloodied up when your head gets cracked open, but you also are running a much higher risk of breaking bones, tearing tendons, and you still a chance for brain damage. They may not have the 10 count, but often times the fighter will punch the KO’d fighter a few more times in the face before the ref can get over and split it up.

The Connor McGregor vs. Jose Aldo fight is one of the best examples of that. I don’t think you have to be a doctor to know punching an unconscious guy can’t be great for his overall brain health.

But even if MMA has it’s flaws, MMA Coach John Navarro still finds it far more safer than boxing. When asked the question about which sport he would rather have his kid compete in his response was, “MMA. Makes him more well rounded as a fighter, and he has a far less chance of sustaining long term neurological damage.”

So at the end of the day, when it comes to deciding which is more dangerous, one really has to decide what matters more to them. If you want a better chance of remembering your childhood, and your ok walking with a limp, than MMA is for you. And if you don’t really care that much about being that great at the memory games, but you don’t have a ton of interest in bleeding out of your face or having your arm snapped, then give boxing a go.

Overrated Rousey Hot Takes

Since we last saw Ronda Rousey in the octogan getting her head caved in by now Bantam Weight Champion Amanda Nunes, many sports media talking heads have had eerily similar takes on her career. The trend it seems is to announce Rousey was and is overrated as a fighter.

One such example of this thought process comes from Michael Rappaport and Shannon Sharpe on Fox Sports’s “Undisputed”.

Sharpe declares Rousey to be essentially a one trick pony with her arm bar, and Rappaport goes as far as to say, “It’s one of the greatest sports hype machines ever to call her the greatest.”

Jason Whitlock also of Fox Sports got in on the Ronda bashing as well. Whitlock proved how adept he is at unleashing hot takes, when in one tweet he not only took down Rhonda, but he also managed to weasel a Hillary take in there.

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But the most egrigous of all the takes, was unleashed by Outkick the Coverage’s Clay Travis. Clay did a full 180 when it comes to how he perceives Rousey’s greatness. You can see the roller coaster of opinions he has on the subject, in the following tweet from @recordsANDradio.

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Going from announcing she could beat Floyd Mayweather to calling her the Bernie Madoff of sports in the matter of a year in a half is a wild swing in opinion.

At the end of the day, we have to look at Ronda Rousey the same way we look at someone like Royce Gracie. Gracie was one of the early pioneers of the mens UFC division. He was a specialist in one style (Brazilian Ju-Jitsu) much like how Ronda is a specialist in Judo. Both of them were instrumental in the success of their respective sports, and both of them dominated their field for a period of time. But both also came in at a time when the talent pool was at its shallowest, meaning that once the other fighters around them were able to evolve up to their level and beyond, they were left in the dust. Should that diminish your opinion of their greatness at all? That would be like diminishing the greatness of Babe Ruth. Would he succeed in todays baseball? Hell no, they would wipe the floor with him. But does that make him and Ronda any less great?